We are all weird, not just for the groups that we associate with, but also for the individual we are. We are all unique…weird….on some level, to each other.
We are the atoms of human society, indivisible units, but unlike atoms, we are still unique, with our own individual experiences, knowledge, feelings, etc.
The recursive nature of social cognition is just incredible. It's one thing to understand the mental states of another creature (and many animals can do it). But it's another thing entirely to temper what we understand about them with what they understand about us. It allows for humor and joking and delight--and yet we choose to turn off that recursive process when it comes to outrgroups like political party.
Thanks, Lura! Yes, Undivide Us is such a beautiful documentary, and I think it really brings to life Pinker's new book. The recursive nature of social cognition is hard for me to wrap my head around once I start really thinking about it, and diving into Pinker's book a serious brain melt for me.
I appreciate how Undivide Us helps show us how to keep that recursive process alive when dealing with outgroups we find annoying. I wonder how else we can change the culture on this?
Excellent and timely piece. Very thoughtful in a time of bitter divide. Thanks for putting this together. Perhaps the biggest blessing of my life has been that I've been in so many places where I felt strange that it has given me a unique opportunity to see myself and the world from more than one perspective. That often makes it difficult for me to take hard stances on anything, because I can usually see where people are coming from even when I disagree.
Thank you! You have a gift for being able to listen to and connect with people on their terms. It's something I want to work hard on myself in the coming year. I'd love to read something by you on this! I encourage you to capture your thoughts and best practices in writing.
That's very kind of you to say, and I know you mean it. Thank you. I've never thought about writing down my approach to people but that's an interesting idea.
This really resonated with me. It reminded me of a trip my wife and I took to Japan shortly after it reopened post-COVID. We were among the first tourists to return after several years, there for two weeks, but one night in particular stands out.
We were staying near Shibuya — a bustling Tokyo neighborhood full of lights, music, and young crowds — and my wife turned in early, so I went out wandering alone looking for great local ramen. It was a weekend night, and groups of younger Japanese club kids were gathering outside the venues in damp alleyways, laughing and energized. I was the only older, Caucasian face in the mix, and I could feel eyes on me.
I felt curiosity, loneliness, awe, and self-consciousness all at once. I didn’t want to join in; I was content to observe. The moment felt both foreign and familiar — strange, yet safe — and it reminded me of my younger self out with friends years ago. Funny enough my substack profile photo is from that night, a small reminder of what it feels like to be the outsider. Thanks to your article this image will now be a regular reminder of how important it is to carry humility and empathy into how I see others.
That's a wonderful story, thank you for sharing and bringing to life this moment that captured both the foreign and the familiar, the strange and the safe. I've never been to Tokyo and would love to go one day. You've got a cool Substack profile photo, and I'm glad it serves as a reminder on how best to treat weird people!
I was driving around late one night, turning the dial on the radio, when I stopped on Alice Cooper. He was hosting a broadcast and just wrapped up "Ramble On" by Led Zeppelin. He began his commentary by talking about how Zep are the undisputed coolest band around, and then noted that they were "Rings nerds," as evidenced by the song. He then advised his audience to fly your "freak flag" and just do the things that are meaningful to you. After all, if Zeppelin is obsessed with Tolkien's books and writes songs about them, this should give you permission to delve into whatever esoterica your heart desires. It was a great reminder that even the coolest people are weirdos in some fashion, and that we should both embrace our own weirdness and the weirdness of others, or at the very least treat them with respect.
Yes! Embrace your weirdness is such a good slogan. Adding "embrace the weirdness of others" makes it transformational. Alice Cooper and Zeppelin are such good models on achieving excellence through embracing their weirdness. Thank you for sharing this.
Nice work here, Bob Ewing.
We are all weird, not just for the groups that we associate with, but also for the individual we are. We are all unique…weird….on some level, to each other.
We are the atoms of human society, indivisible units, but unlike atoms, we are still unique, with our own individual experiences, knowledge, feelings, etc.
The recursive nature of social cognition is just incredible. It's one thing to understand the mental states of another creature (and many animals can do it). But it's another thing entirely to temper what we understand about them with what they understand about us. It allows for humor and joking and delight--and yet we choose to turn off that recursive process when it comes to outrgroups like political party.
PS Love the cab story and LOVE Undivide Us!
Thanks, Lura! Yes, Undivide Us is such a beautiful documentary, and I think it really brings to life Pinker's new book. The recursive nature of social cognition is hard for me to wrap my head around once I start really thinking about it, and diving into Pinker's book a serious brain melt for me.
I appreciate how Undivide Us helps show us how to keep that recursive process alive when dealing with outgroups we find annoying. I wonder how else we can change the culture on this?
Excellent and timely piece. Very thoughtful in a time of bitter divide. Thanks for putting this together. Perhaps the biggest blessing of my life has been that I've been in so many places where I felt strange that it has given me a unique opportunity to see myself and the world from more than one perspective. That often makes it difficult for me to take hard stances on anything, because I can usually see where people are coming from even when I disagree.
Thank you! You have a gift for being able to listen to and connect with people on their terms. It's something I want to work hard on myself in the coming year. I'd love to read something by you on this! I encourage you to capture your thoughts and best practices in writing.
That's very kind of you to say, and I know you mean it. Thank you. I've never thought about writing down my approach to people but that's an interesting idea.
Yes, I'd love to see it. Do it!
This really resonated with me. It reminded me of a trip my wife and I took to Japan shortly after it reopened post-COVID. We were among the first tourists to return after several years, there for two weeks, but one night in particular stands out.
We were staying near Shibuya — a bustling Tokyo neighborhood full of lights, music, and young crowds — and my wife turned in early, so I went out wandering alone looking for great local ramen. It was a weekend night, and groups of younger Japanese club kids were gathering outside the venues in damp alleyways, laughing and energized. I was the only older, Caucasian face in the mix, and I could feel eyes on me.
I felt curiosity, loneliness, awe, and self-consciousness all at once. I didn’t want to join in; I was content to observe. The moment felt both foreign and familiar — strange, yet safe — and it reminded me of my younger self out with friends years ago. Funny enough my substack profile photo is from that night, a small reminder of what it feels like to be the outsider. Thanks to your article this image will now be a regular reminder of how important it is to carry humility and empathy into how I see others.
That's a wonderful story, thank you for sharing and bringing to life this moment that captured both the foreign and the familiar, the strange and the safe. I've never been to Tokyo and would love to go one day. You've got a cool Substack profile photo, and I'm glad it serves as a reminder on how best to treat weird people!
I was driving around late one night, turning the dial on the radio, when I stopped on Alice Cooper. He was hosting a broadcast and just wrapped up "Ramble On" by Led Zeppelin. He began his commentary by talking about how Zep are the undisputed coolest band around, and then noted that they were "Rings nerds," as evidenced by the song. He then advised his audience to fly your "freak flag" and just do the things that are meaningful to you. After all, if Zeppelin is obsessed with Tolkien's books and writes songs about them, this should give you permission to delve into whatever esoterica your heart desires. It was a great reminder that even the coolest people are weirdos in some fashion, and that we should both embrace our own weirdness and the weirdness of others, or at the very least treat them with respect.
Yes! Embrace your weirdness is such a good slogan. Adding "embrace the weirdness of others" makes it transformational. Alice Cooper and Zeppelin are such good models on achieving excellence through embracing their weirdness. Thank you for sharing this.